September 25, 2009 teens 7

This morning I was on line, perusing facebook and I sent a message to a friend(acquaintance) asking about her now 6 week old baby.
She responded with an all is well, she is beautiful etc, and asked if Adrienne was coming to her daughter’s b-day party? Hmmmmmm
This made me feel very awkward, because 1. I know of no such invitation, and 2. Adrienne hasn’t said a word!!

Backtracking here………..Adrienne played softball with this girl 2-3 years ago, she attends another HS and they are not really good friends, more like we know her, are friendly, but not close. Similar to how I know the mom. When the girls played on the same team we did car-pool, we saw each other at all games, we shared some meals out, but we didn’t socialize together or see each other outside of that common bond.

This all sort of plays into some thoughts I’ve been having on women and their friendships. I’m reading the book The Girls from Ames , a wonderful story about 11 friends growing up in Ames Iowa and how they have remained close friends for over 40 years.

In this situation I know the mom, know the daughter and honestly while they are ok, I’m not likely to want to become close to either, nor would I encourage it for Adrienne. I don’t really have to think about it much, as Adrienne doesn’t really dislike her, she has little in common with this girl after softball.

It’s awkward to me when we as adults can be friends or friendly and yet our children who may have been closer are now happy to be distant. I have a friend that I was once close to, and after our girls were teens my girls choose not to socialize with her daughter, at first it was raw between us, she feeling as if I let my girls close her daughter out. She was the type of mom that insisted her daughter invite some people to a party just to be polite, I disagree, at 13 or 14 I think you can invite just your friends, not everyone. That issue finally resolved itself in that her girl went to another HS out of town, and made new friends, and clearly did not want to be close to my girls either.

So my response this morning was honest, I said I didn’t know of a party, Adrienne hadn’t mentioned it, so I have no idea. We aren’t talking 10 year olds, they are 16, and I feel they can make their own choices, and I just hope she declined any invite politely. Thoughts?

7 Responses to “Awkward!!”

  1. Beth

    awkward is right! I don’t know what the right thing to do.. How was the invite given to Adrienne? Facebook? Email? Mail? I am just curious. You handled it like a champ!

  2. Terra

    Awkward for sure but YES they are 16 and they can make their choices. Perhaps the other girl didn’t even invite Adrienne?

  3. Tammy Howard

    16 y/o girls can definitely make their own choices (with parents having the right to veto any decision)

    My daughter had a falling out with my best friend’s daughter. We don’t live close by, but it is awkward when we DO get together.

    There are just no easy answers, I don’t think…

  4. My name is PJ.

    You handled it perfectly and, if she was asked and declined the invitation, I’m certain A was well-mannered. Certain of it.

    Maybe, just maybe, the mention of the party by the mom was a ‘conversation filler’?

    I really don’t get the whole facebook thing. I think I told you before that I call it “creep book.” I joined for less than 10 minutes at someone else’s prodding and regretted it immediately because it sent my ‘presence’ out to anyone, anywhere who had done anything or been anywhere remotely similar to me!

  5. Pam

    I agree, I think you handled it very well and I agree that 16 year olds are old enough to make their own decisions about accepting invitations. The other side of this is the friendship between the daughters/moms. That is more sticky. I suppose if both girls are ready to move on, it’s no big deal, but if one isn’t it can be more difficult. Since this person is more of an acquaintance it really shouldn’t be that big a deal. At least I hope it doesn’t turn into one.

  6. Sandy

    I can understand the mom asking the question but she shouldn’t have been surprised that you couldn’t answer. You did it right.

    BTW that books came up as a book club selection recently….we didn’t choose it but I think I’m going to try to fit it in.

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