Ahhh, a vintage Christmas collage, so lovely.
I think I repeat the same Mantra year after year, do not stress, do not over spend, do not get caught up in the commercialism. I struggle with the American way.
I’ve been mostly on track this year. I never spend into debt, but I do push the limits of my planned purchase budget, seems I always find one more gift to buy……..ugh.
I’ve managed to not stress too much, the shopping is mostly done, the wrapping of what we have is 100% done….and even with the new puppy I’ve managed to stay up beat and positive.
The other thing that happens to me from time to time is an impending feeling of depression, and it’s kind of odd at such a beautiful time of the year. I love all aspects of Christmas, the hopeful coming of the Christ child, the wonder and awe in a child’s eye. I love the baking and decorating, and even the shopping…….but at times I feel a let down. I’m sad because my family is 1000 miles away and we celebrate without them. I’m said because my children don’t have the experience of extended family every year. I’m sad because I’m not the person I always want to be, I give to those less fortunate, but the bulk of my gift giving is for my children………and it makes me feel selfish in some ways.
I’ve been making myself get out more…………because when I feel those dark feelings I tend to just hole up at home and not get out much. Even the puppy has helped this week because I have to take the little thing outside several times a day.
The ugliest side to my depression can be if I let it really lead to some lashing out, and it has in the past……and I’ve ruined precious moments with my children……….things I’ve seen others do and I cringe…………so I try very hard to not let this happen.
So I’m working hard to enjoy the season………………and accept all the ups and downs and acknowledge that no ones life is perfect………..but to remember that I am very blessed and lucky to have all that I do!