Parenting Frustrations

April 4, 2012 Boys, Parenting 9

I’m taking a book themed break to vent my frustrations in raising our 14 year old son.  I’d like to inform the person who said “raising boys is so much easier than girls” that they are indeed full of crap!!

Ok, it’s less drama and emotion on one front, but there is so very much other junk that I could pull my hair

My son, the darling boy, is charming,  intelligent, and just a bit too confident in himself.  He has become the joker, the prankster, the talker and the list goes on as to his behavior in school.  Moving him from Catholic school in 7th grade was a choice we made based on his academic needs, he was not being challenged and we knew the more advanced program public school offered could do that for him.  Last year moved along well with his grades, but he began to be a bit too big for his britches as my momma would say.  He was popular, with all the kids, he was attractive to the girls and cool to the boys.  He was funny, you get the picture right?  We began to get phone calls about his incessant talking, I blamed it partly on boredom, he’s a quick learner.  Then when the calls changed to interrupting teachers and disturbing other’s learning and then to disrespectful I began to worry….who was this child?  We had several conferences and he finished out the year with very good grades but poor behavior and he was not invited back to the Pre-AP program he had been put in.  UGH.

Eighth grade began with us lecturing him about being in Advanced classes, and how they should be challenging but he was capable but that the students might not be as motivated to succeed etc.  We warned him of his past behavior and said each year is like a new start, a new chapter in life to write.  Clearly my son decided to repeat his poor choices.  This year has been filled with emails and phone calls from teachers and the disciplinary Dean.  He has had before school detentions, Saturday School, and one day suspension.  His offenses range from talking in class, suspected cheating(he was found not guilty), texting during school, disturbing another class while having his picture taken for the yearbook, and the suspension for goofing around with 2 other boys who were, for lack of a better phrase, hitting each other in the balls.  I’ve been told from my husband this is typical boy behavior but in a school it’s grounds for a suspension, no one touches anyone in that way!(really??).  He also forged my signature on a paper, I caught that one.  He has lied or failed to disclose all of the truth on several occasions. 

I never thought I’d be one of those parents who is defending her child and asking for leniency for my misunderstood angel.  I’m really not either, we’ve told Nick to accept his school given punishments and we’ve added many of our own.  When dealing with a young teen the best ways to punish are to take away privileges, cell phone, lap top, movies, etc.  We’ve done them all. We’ve also told him how disappointed we are in him, this one would bring tears to my girls, but doesn’t seem to do enough to Nick.   I do feel my son has earned a bad label, the troublemaker, and he will have to live with it 8 more weeks and then once again as he moves onto High School he has the chance to write his new chapter again.  I am frustrated that my very intelligent otherwise caring son has morphed into this poorly behaved teen.  No he’s not carrying drugs or weapons to school.  He’s not drinking or getting girls pregnant.  He’s not failing any classes, he’s not hanging out with kids who steal or vandalize.  What my son has become is the class clown, he’s funny, he’s quick witted, but he also takes things too far, doesn’t know when to keep his mouth quiet and his hands to himself. 

My son will not be permitted to attend the 8th grade trip to Universal Studious next month, he will not be permitted to attend the Spring Dance(he missed last year too).  While I want to cry out, oh come on, he’s not really that bad, I am again faced with the realization that at all stages in life there are rules we abide by, and we accept the consequences, even with they suck.  Sorry I just couldn’t thinking of a better word. 

I feel better now.  I do not know how my husband feels right now.  I’m kind of turning to him for the next in home punishments… might want to think of Nick, because Kevin is not nearly as nice as I am. 

9 Responses to “Parenting Frustrations”

  1. Sandy Nawrot

    I’ve got a little of this going on with my son as well. He is always in trouble for talking or trying to get the last word in with the teachers if he feels there is an injustice occurring. Bad idea, especially in a Catholic school environment where there is zero tolerance for such behavior. Ryan was supposed to have a lead role in the school play last year and was demoted to a non-speaking role for his talking issues. We continue to work with him, and tell him that unfortunately he has two more years at this school and he is sleeping in the bed he has made for himself (i.e. his reputation is preceding him at this point). Boys are way different than girls, but they most certainly are not easier.

  2. Beth

    I don’t even have something logical to say… I see this a lot in my schools…a co-worker…very astute religious always thinking about others and the students…has a stinker for a son… The big thing they do is take away his cell phone…I mean really what else can you do…hopefully his personality will win him a great career…Hang in there my friend..some day I will post about Lydia’s drama…maybe not! lol

  3. MissKris

    Ouch. I feel for you. Honestly, we were blessed to have kids that managed to make it thru school without getting into any trouble…in fact they made it thru their entire teen years being good kids. Our major issue was how our daughter was bullied from Kindergarten until we took her out of school early in her Senior year and let her get her GED in a local community college. When you have a child tell you they wish they were dead, it opens your eyes, let me tell you. With that said, after having worked in schools for several years myself…oh, they’re HARD years for these kids of today especially! The peer pressure PLUS the pressure put on them by over-zealous parents to succeed have robbed them of something very precious…childhood. But I had a mom of young kids chastise me about that not too long ago so I keep my lip zipped and just let ’em go about parenting their way, sigh. As Nick matures hopefully his ‘ebullience’ will tone down…I wish I had a magic wand I could loan you that would fast-forward you to Graduation Day, ha! ‘Til then, I’ll just keep you all in my prayers.

  4. Zibilee

    My son went through something similar, though his was an angry/disrespectful phase, and it ended up working itself out. He was disrespectful to teachers, and we had to have a conference. He was also terribly disrespectful at home, and my husband had to pull out the big guns. It will pass, but I know what you are going through. Girls are easier in some ways, but this boy thing is common. They are testing limits and trying to see how far they can go. It’s horribly frustrating, I know, and wants to make you send them off packing, but hang in there. When he matures a little bit things should get better.

  5. Jenny

    I’m sorry to hear about the frustration you’re dealing with. I can’t imagine parenting a teenager! I don’t have any children as you know, but my biggest fear about having any children is what happens 15 years or so after they’re born, LOL!

    I don’t want to step on your toes by recommending anything, especially since I’m not a parent (!!) but I work with lots of families with similar issues through my job as a therapist. I have two parenting books I would recommend (Teen STEP and Surviving Your Adolescence). I teach both of those. It sounds like he has to learn how to balance being the cool kid with also being responsible. The other thing is if all those things are being taken away consistently, and he’s still acting out, then there is something else going on. Have you considered family therapy as well? And again, I’m biased since I’m a therapist 😉 but it might be worth the try!

  6. Crazy Mom of Three

    Sounds challenging. I find it amazing that he can get such good grades while all of these behavioral challenges are going on. Maybe he really is bored, or under challenged. They all do have their challenges, don’t they?

  7. Mnmom

    Go get the book “Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy”. Tongue-in-cheek title but written by a therapist who works with teens and their families. It saved me from thinking my kids were doomed and that somehow I had failed.

    My sister is struggling with her teen son and also recommends this book to others.

    PS – my brother could have written this post! Same exact problems with their 8th grader.

  8. Anita

    Ohhhh…that takes my breath away just reading it. I SO feel for you. Maybe the counseling is worth a try, as your other reader suggested.

    Somehow, I think this may be a phase, but it sounds so hard to get through it; to wait it out.

    Big Blessings to you.

  9. Sandi

    Oh my gosh I could have written this myself about my 14 year old son, word for word and sadly I have no answers but interested in reading your answers 🙂

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